A TURKEY TALE

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Each and every November 1st I dread the big dinner later in the month; it sometimes falls on our wedding anniversary.  My spouse and I married on the 25th many moons ago–in Italy.  But that is another story.

My point here is that I have never cooked a delicious bird–fresh nor frozen.  I have tried brining, marinating, soaking, searing, grilling, roasting, baking, zapping and broiling. And the results have been the same: dry, tough, tasteless, bland, unappetizing meat.

The only time I had a turkey dinner I would rave about was down in Houston, where foodie friends deep-fat-fried TOM THE TURKEY on their driveway.  They simply bought 27 gallons of cooking oil, drug some heavy metal trash can out from the garage, plopped it onto the lit grill, and dumped the 21 pound fowl into the oil.  Five plus hours later we all sat down in their dining room to the most memorable Thanksgiving dinner ever.  Only it was the sticky month of May.

In retrospect I think our fine friends were testing their culinary skills on us sweet, innocent dinner guests.  I’d like to say I brought the pumpkin pie and another gullible guest the Ocean Spray Cranberry sauce.  But that is another story.

To get to the meat of this tale, a few nights ago I cooked a turkey dinner “to die for!”

Admittedly,  I found the recipe on my new computer.  Just playing around– “Best Turkey Meatloaf Ever” popped up on my screen.  So, as  a nice Catholic girl I followed the instructions and made it:

BEST TURKEY MEATLOAF EVER

Create Your Shopping List:

–2 lbs ground turkey

–1 pkg. McCormack Meatloaf Seasoning (2 for $1!!!)

–Vegetable Oil

–1 box Arnold’s Turkey Flavored Stuffing

–1 can Healthy Choice Cooking Spray

–1 jar Heinz Fake Turkey Gravy

Once home from shopping trip, relax and watch ELLEN for a few laughs.  Avoid DR. PHIL as his show is too depressing.

Next…don apron and fire up  oven to  whopping 375 degrees.

Then drag big stainless bowl out from under counter and throw in ground turkey.  Measure two (2) tablespoons oil and toss over raw meat.  Tear open box of stuffing and hurl  into bowl. Sprinkle packet of McCormack chemicals over creation. Gently pour 1/4 cup gravy into mess.

Thoroughly wash hands and squish mixture around until  sick and tired.

Meanwhile spray loaf pan with HEALTHY CHOICE cooking spray.  Follow with smashing stuff into loaf pan so all fits.

Then simply pop into  pre-heated oven for 60  minutes or 1 hour, whatever works for you.  I think I left it in for 61 minutes to enhance flavors.

Once loaf is done you are not.  Grab something like drinking straw and poke about 7 to 11 holes in over-cooked meat. Pour remainder of fake gravy all over the place.

Crank open can of Ocean Spray Cranberries (OK–so Bakers own lots of stock in cranberry grower) and serve.

VOILA!

THE BEST TURKEY (meatloaf) DINNER EVER!!!

Let us give thanks…

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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6 Comments on “A TURKEY TALE”

  1. Sandy Stewart says:

    Ok. You talked me into .. I’ll try it out! Leaving for Florida Thursday. See you soon? If not have a great Thanksgiving. S

    Sent from my iPhone

    >

  2. meemselle says:

    Well, Nan, no surprise here. I could fry my Roomba & I bet it would be good! Keep ’em coming, my dear. Until we have “Naked Joy” in our hands, the blog is our only window into the mind of Nan…..which is a funny place.

  3. doug clegg says:

    Let us give thanks is right Nan. I, too, have a Texas deep fried turkey story. Y’all gotta love them Texans. Thanks for the smiles. I learn more about your adult life all the time.

  4. Nan says:

    Thanks fans who bother to comment. You loyal friends are NOT turkeys, for sure…

  5. Jim says:

    Yes, the best turkey I ever had was also the one swimming in a tank full of boiling peanut oil. Truly wonderful. What made it even more fun was reading about those who do not follow instructions and do things like immerse the bird whilst still frozen. Results are usually catastrophic. We all need to read such stories now and then to reassure ourselves of our intellectual superiority.. Also noteworthy is the fact that such stories usually involve consumption of excessive quantities of adult beverages. Thus, we may enjoy a feeling of both moral and intellectual superiority, however brief.

    • Nan says:

      Oh no Jim…our turkey and the day are always dry. ( < : Thanks for reading, and commenting. Hope to see you around. Saw Julianna the other day; she's doing okay and looks good.


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