Each and every November 1st I dread the big dinner later in the month; it sometimes falls on our wedding anniversary. My spouse and I married on the 25th many moons ago–in Italy. But that is another story.
My point here is that I have never cooked a delicious bird–fresh nor frozen. I have tried brining, marinating, soaking, searing, grilling, roasting, baking, zapping and broiling. And the results have been the same: dry, tough, tasteless, bland, unappetizing meat.
The only time I had a turkey dinner I would rave about was down in Houston, where foodie friends deep-fat-fried TOM THE TURKEY on their driveway. They simply bought 27 gallons of cooking oil, drug some heavy metal trash can out from the garage, plopped it onto the lit grill, and dumped the 21 pound fowl into the oil. Five plus hours later we all sat down in their dining room to the most memorable Thanksgiving dinner ever. Only it was the sticky month of May.
In retrospect I think our fine friends were testing their culinary skills on us sweet, innocent dinner guests. I’d like to say I brought the pumpkin pie and another gullible guest the Ocean Spray Cranberry sauce. But that is another story.
To get to the meat of this tale, a few nights ago I cooked a turkey dinner “to die for!”
Admittedly, I found the recipe on my new computer. Just playing around– “Best Turkey Meatloaf Ever” popped up on my screen. So, as a nice Catholic girl I followed the instructions and made it:
BEST TURKEY MEATLOAF EVER
Create Your Shopping List:
–2 lbs ground turkey
–1 pkg. McCormack Meatloaf Seasoning (2 for $1!!!)
–1 box Arnold’s Turkey Flavored Stuffing
–1 can Healthy Choice Cooking Spray
–1 jar Heinz Fake Turkey Gravy
Once home from shopping trip, relax and watch ELLEN for a few laughs. Avoid DR. PHIL as his show is too depressing.
Next…don apron and fire up oven to whopping 375 degrees.
Then drag big stainless bowl out from under counter and throw in ground turkey. Measure two (2) tablespoons oil and toss over raw meat. Tear open box of stuffing and hurl into bowl. Sprinkle packet of McCormack chemicals over creation. Gently pour 1/4 cup gravy into mess.
Thoroughly wash hands and squish mixture around until sick and tired.
Meanwhile spray loaf pan with HEALTHY CHOICE cooking spray. Follow with smashing stuff into loaf pan so all fits.
Then simply pop into pre-heated oven for 60 minutes or 1 hour, whatever works for you. I think I left it in for 61 minutes to enhance flavors.
Once loaf is done you are not. Grab something like drinking straw and poke about 7 to 11 holes in over-cooked meat. Pour remainder of fake gravy all over the place.
Crank open can of Ocean Spray Cranberries (OK–so Bakers own lots of stock in cranberry grower) and serve.
THE BEST TURKEY (meatloaf) DINNER EVER!!!
Let us give thanks…
Proud to announce:
IT’S A BOOK!
Nan Kilmer Baker delivers
Length: 287 pages
Weight: 4 1/2 pounds
Date: January 14, 2017
Time: 8:33 a.m.